That's how it feels sometimes.  I try to bike as much as I can.  Attempting to stay in the moment as much as I can.  For me that is the salvation to stay in the moment. Not in the memory, not in the mind.  I can do that so easily, slip off in my mind thinking about whatever.  I want to be here not there.  I want to stay in this world.  So I bike and try to look at the trees and the birds.  It is rabbit season right now.  I saw I bet 11 or 12 this morning on the greenway.  Little ones and big ones.  I saw an owl the other day.  It was hooting up a storm, kinda hard to miss.  

I also try to stay positive.  In this day and time it is important to be positive.  Even when my mind and gut are telling different.  I try to raise to the occasion and get positive.  

My life is a series of ups and downs and nothing is stable.  There are days when I think I should just give up my dreams and go back to work, doing whatever I can make a living at.  I keep dreaming that something better is going to happen.  So far I get crumbs and the occasional gig, but not enough to survive on.  So I don't know.  I just don't know.  

I love photography, I love music, and books.  Once I could live on these loves.  Now I don't know, I just don't know.